Caffeinated Musings From The Desktop

Eleven more days.....

2012-02-07T00:13:00.001-08:00

And I will be surfing in Bali.....

Blah Blah Blah

2012-01-31T20:39:00.000-08:00

I wish I could say a lot has been going on since my last post but it wouldn't be true. A lot of trips to the gym (I could still be going more) and a lot of work. That's about it. I'm house sitting once again and that adds a bit of extra income which is always good. I've got that hammered out feeling most of the time but I think that's good because it means I've been busy.

If I'm not working or in the gym I'm reading. Jakarta isn't exactly a party town but that's fine because that's really who I am anyway.

I'm heading back to the States in June. There are tentative offers for work in South America plus an idea I've got of my own that might keep me travelling for awhile. I might secure one more surf trip to Bali in the coming weeks. I haven't done much of anything since Thanksgiving with the trip to Lombok and that was fine but less than stellar. Not complaining, just saying.

I've told the family I work with I will not be returning to work with them another year. All things considered I've done about as much as anyone could and with the remaining time it will be up to others to follow the example I've prepared. I hope for the best in this but I sleep well at night knowing I did my job. I have been lucky to have this opportunity. Onward.

I've been on this road now almost 12 years. I feel tired at times, frustrated at others but the urge to continue remains. I go onto the next thing and realize there is still plenty to experience. I have no brush and no gun; I think more and more that my life is the work of art.

2012-01-07T23:28:00.000-08:00

Holy crap I haven't posted here in over a month. Where does the time go? It's a whole new year and I wish good things for all who read this, and the same for those who have no idea what it is.

Nothing revolutionary has occurred in my life since the last post. I've dropped a nice amount of weight thanks to watching my diet and keeping it up with the CrossFit WODs. Clothes that were either snug or not fitting at all are suddenly loose or within range of being so. I feel good about that. I plan to keep going in 2012.

I've also been battling a series of stomach bugs over the past month or two. This is the third time I've been laid up with it. I think it has a lot to do with the take-out order I got Friday night. I went to bed at 9pm on Friday night and was woken at 11pm by a stomach that seemed to be issuing a strongly-worded protest to some misstep I took along the way. When I have more time I'll posted the take-out/Coca-Cola story for all to enjoy. It's now early Sunday afternoon and I'm just starting to feel OK. Yesterday was a day spent in bed with frequent trips to the bathroom. I laid in bed so long my back started to hurt. Today I've run an errand or two out of the house and taken food and coffee and so far so good. Unfortunately I missed work yesterday which is another issue.

I'm at the point now where I'm going to have to give the family I work for a decision as to whether or not I'm going to be staying with them another year or putting in my six months notice. Again, that's a topic for another post. Later this week if I can.

My house sitting gig is done but begins again. I finished up on Thursday night and got back in my apt. not long after. The next day I was sick, followed by the same the next day which brings me to today. Tomorrow I return to the same place, the difference being I will be watching over three teenage boys as their mother travels abroad for work purposes. Doing laundry as I type this out and will be packing the same suitcase I unpacked three days ago. Life is a circle.

More later.

A few thoughts before I get to work

2011-12-06T23:06:00.000-08:00

I haven't been getting many posts in these days. Work has been hectic and busy and what free time I have has been spent working out. I recently paid for private swim lessons and man what I workout that is. I was never a very strong swimmer (in fact on two occasions in my life I nearly drowned) so I decided I wanted to do something about it. Here's what I've discovered so far: swimming is WORK! There's a rhythm and timing involved that takes a lot of practice. Like many things in the natural world a smooth relaxed pace gets you a lot farther than frantic thrashing but I guess like everyone else in life you have to go through your share of thrashing before you find that out. Live and learn.

I've also begun CrossFit workouts. I've been training off and on with weights for close to 30 years but I discovered of late that I was in a rut. Even all the running I had done this year was failing to hold off that stale feeling. With CrossFit, the workouts are posted online and you complete them on your own. They should run no longer than 30 minutes maximum but the results and the feeling are incredible. I've only done eight or so workouts in the past ten days but I can feel (and even see) the difference already in my body.

I'm cleaning up what I eat also. I've eliminated sugars from my diet and processed foods. OK, nix that. Last night I ordered a Pizza Hut pizza. I didn't realize till I opened the box how processed that crap is. My stomach was upset well into today. I won't be making that mistake again. Still, I've been leaning toward meats, fruits and veggies and healthier grains. Juices and water for beverages. If coffee is wrong, though, I don't wanna be right.

I've been watching movies also lately but I think I'm gonna be delving back into my books starting tonight.

I'll be house sitting for another four weeks or so and the house I'm staying in has a professional military library. I'd like to make as much use of that material as possible. It's good stuff and not books you'd find at BN or on Amazon.

I was offered a block of time off for Christmas but I don't know if I'll take it. I can't go anywhere because of the pets I'm taking care of anyway. Still, a few days off might be a good thing once a month. I wanna get a surf trip in next month too. Bali, I think.

I guess if I could change anything or even complain it'd be that it just doesn't feel like Christmas here. I miss that. I'm sitting in the American Club and there are decorations hanging along with bad carols playing but I'm just not feeling it. Oh well, you can't have everything.

FINALLY getting in the Christmas spirit!!!

2011-12-06T22:18:00.000-08:00

This show is always on the road

2011-11-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

Over the next five weeks I will be housesitting and pet-watching (if there is such a term). Above are Ozzy and Bogart, two beagles that I'll be feeding, giving water to and taking outside when necessary. We're getting along great. So far they've managed to get generous portions of the pepperoni off my pizza last night, a good part of the omelette du fromage I had for breakfast this morning and most of the good bed space where I slept last night. Dogs 3, Mike 0. By tomorrow I'm sure they'll want the first cup of coffee out of the French press.

There's also Molly the cat (not pictured) who basically does her own thing. As long as I leave certain doors open she's fine. What a world.

I have no shame

2011-11-28T18:49:00.000-08:00

I probably have a little shame to tell the truth. I've lost it over most things though. The subject line is a joke, anyway, basically because I'm stealing this photo from my good friend's blog: Etre une muse. Etre amuse. Check out her account. She's got some interesting stuff on there. Like this photo. As I get older what is says rings more and more true. More to say later.

Thoughts over coffee

2011-11-25T02:12:00.000-08:00

I'm here in Lombok. It's a four day weekend but most of it yesterday was travel and I leave early Sunday morning so it's really closer to 2.5 days when you think about it. Lombok is a fastboat away from Bali and the Gili Islands and I'm deciding if I want to go to Gili tomorrow to dive or surf Kuta beach. Just had a pretty good lunch of spicy tuna sandwiches and coffee (OK, I had some fries too) and now I'm cooling off in the AC of my hotel room which is small but comfy and has this killer outdoor bathroom with 7ft stone walls and netting to keep the outside out, if you'll allow. The view is of mountains and green, green, green. I've never been knocked out before by a bathroom but I guess there's a first time for everything. Now I'm just listening to some Charlie Parker and pondering going to the restaurant to order some more coffee for my room. (two minutes later....) OK, coffee on its way!

Lombok is a lot like Bali in terms of the geography but it's a LOT less touristy. That has its good and bad points. In Bali everything was brought right to you, almost in a pushy way. In Lombok it's here but you have to go out and look for it. The town of Senggigi is the only real metropolitan place if you can call it that. The airport is way out in the country and 90 minutes away from where I'm staying. It's new too, but I have no idea why anyone would build a brand new airport in the middle of the woods. It's damn weird but I maybe Lombok is a developing country and they have a lot more building to do. I suppose it is. It wouldn't surprise me! (my coffee just arrived!)

There's a lot of beautiful scenery here in Senggigi and there's cafes and what not but not much else. If you want to surf or dive or something like that you have to take a taxi or boat for an hour or two to those places. That's what tomorrow will be all about. As for today, I saw what I needed to see and now I've returned to my room. It's damn hot today. I don't mind sweat in the least but not over lunch. It's a vacation!

The most exciting/silly thing I've done was have a verbal jousting match with a couple of drunken PhD's from New Zealand. It was drew a bit of a crowd at the restaurant last night but it was good-natured and ended in a lot of laughs. More conversations should end that way. I held my own and if I do say so myself I probably won.

My birthday also passed two days ago and I hit the ripe old age of 43. I got tons of birthday wishes and congrats from friends and it made my day. On my 31st birthday I was looking at a ton of trouble and I thought my life was pretty much over. Unless you were there, you can't know. In a way it was, but more specifically the life I had been living was over and in its place over time this one asserted itself (with a lot of work from yours truly). I am lucky in a way that odds makers would only whisper about among themselves.

Words to live by

2011-11-14T22:20:00.000-08:00

A few lines of truth

2011-11-13T22:46:00.000-08:00

I'd be lying if I said I was blazing the independent trail from day one. I tried to fit in and it really didn't pan out long-term. I went the other way with it and discovered the value of quality with fewer people. Better yet, I discovered the value of self. Can't say I've ever looked back.

Just sayin'

2011-11-13T21:43:00.000-08:00

It would be a mistake to assume that I hold anything you say in any esteem whatsoever.

Dash of gratitude, add some blah

2011-11-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

Of late I real desire to unplug from all of this, no doubt the fallout from two weeks of crash mentoring/follow-up at the hands of my predecessor who has now returned to Africa. She's become a friend these past months but the mentoring gets to be a bit much and I'm talked out halfway through her visits. This was the last one for awhile so I shouldn't have to deal with feeling this way again any time soon. I'm anxious for her arrivals but also anxious for her to leave by the time it's all over.

This is a very challenging case, for a lot of reasons I won't get into here. It makes the case more difficult than it should be. I've done my best to improve this through direct action and by modeling (which is not the same as providing instruction) a better way to go about things. I think I've begun to see improvements where I need them and like most change it comes about slowly. If the proverbial wheel continues to turn for the better I'll provide some positive reinforcement, bearing in mind that that trumps negative most of the time. There are time critical issues at play here but I hope to get good results in my allotted term of service. I'm not sure what I'll do after this is over or where I'll go but it's a question I've begun to address and I'll have a plan in place before long I imagine.

I'm making better use of my time and as training hard as I can. I'm running regularly again. I finished my first half marathon almost two weeks ago. It went terribly but I did finish and considering I only started running again two weeks prior I guess I don't have much to complain about. It forced me back into the thick of things so I decided to add weight training into the mix as well. I've got a good powerlifting routine in place and I've begun to see results. I'm also in the water getting my swim on when I can. I write this and it gets me down because I realize that despite keeping busy with things there are so many more things I could be doing and making better use of time. Just gotta keep plugging.

I'm getting a lot of reading in also. I've finished five books since September and I'm working on two more.

I'm taking a block of time off in two weeks and heading to Lombok. That's an island close to Bali and I'll be spending a four day weekend there during American Thanksgiving. I just had the time off and decided I wanted to get away. The ticket round trip was less than $150 and Lonely Planet found me a hotel for $42/night. I'll be packing a lot better than I did for the Bali trip though. I haven't started to look at what I'm going to do when I'm there but some surfing, running and maybe a hike sound like a reasonable way to spend the weekend.

I want to be in the moment but I don't want to stand still either.

Just a thought

2011-10-28T02:11:00.000-07:00

The strength of the Indonesian people lies in their heart, in their willingness to do for one another and for you. You can't cash it at a bank but it is a bottomless resource nevertheless.

Michael Bolton....The Master

2011-10-22T03:13:00.000-07:00

There's a weird thing going on here with people in Jakarta and their fixation on shitty love songs. You walk the malls or coffee shops or restaurants and it's the most sugary, crappy stuff that you can find pumping through the speakers. They love it; they can't get enough of it. It's a source of endless amusement to me. If you think a Beyonce song is shit, wait till you get a load of a local singer going a cover of it and it being placed on a loop in some department or grocery store. Talk about OOF.

Anyway, long story short I was in a taxi the other night and the driver had the radio on. It's usually a choice of Indonesian music, religious channels or the aforementioned syrupy romantic stuff. I really wasn't paying too much attention to any of it because he had it turned down low ("I just want to put on something I can ignore" is one of my favorite movie lines of all time) but I was quickly jolted out of my own thoughts by the unmistakable whatever-you-want-to-call-it of Michael Bolton singing "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You". I found myself strangely annoyed and amused at the same time. It was the first American song I had heard outside of my mp3 player or Starbucks so I was kind of happy about it but at the same time it was Michael Bolton. What to do!

Turns out there wasn't anything to do because three plus minutes in the song ended. As is always the case with radio djs she started talking as the song was fading. It was in Indonesian throughout her talk but I clearly heard the words "Michael Bolton" and in what can only be described as awe her description of him as "The Master". I'm pretty positive that cab ride made my night and maybe my whole week.

This will be my focus for the next two weeks

2011-10-16T00:51:00.000-07:00

30 Oct. My first 13.1. Not much time get ready!

Back to life, Back to Reality

2011-10-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

The days of windsurfing and parasailing are over and I'm back in Jakarta. The grace period for being a novice at this new job is over also but I feel I'm in a good place with things, esp. when it comes to portioning my time. This means not only work but keeping a firm line between work and my personal life. I find I'm wishing for more hours in a day but I consider this to be a good thing because it means I'm busy and not just idling the time away. Jakarta isn't a town for hard partying and I'm not that type anyway. I got in a three mile run today, I've got five lined up for tomorrow and 10 on Sunday. I'm working out with weights and eat pretty well. I'm generous with my caffeine intake.

The people here are friendly. Today I was approached by a couple of fellas asking if I was interested in being a 4th in their regular 2 on 2 basketball game. I had to decline because I stink as BB and because I also have a surgically repaired ankle that doesn't hold up well under that kind of pivoting. Actually I just stink at BB. Still it was cool that they asked. Tomorrow night I have plans with a few people at a local Oktoberfest event. I don't know that it's high-end networking, but the people I am connecting with seem genuine and friendly and that's always more than enough for me.

I love the place I live in. It's got awesome foilage everywhere and I feel comfortable there. As often as possible I use the pool. There are a lot of Westerners and they've all been friendly so far. On days when I have a lot of free time before the 2nd shift of work begins I even steal back there and take a nap or catch up on some reading. As for reading itself, I'm just sticking to a lot of fun books.

The last night I was in Bali I looked up at the sky from the pool and saw the moon covered by the clouds and I just couldn't help but laugh. It's so strange all the places this life will take you. A dozen years ago I was looking at almost a year in jail and I was as cracked as a person can. That night, however, I was in Paradise on Earth and the time between the two dates was little more than a flash. In the end God is always good and I thanked Him for all my travels and this current destination.

Still, this case is a difficult one. Each day brings something new and there are a lot of turns and twists. I attack them every day with direct action and with honestly at all times. I become more convinced every day that I truly am in the right place at the right time and that I'm the right man for this job. This job honestly has me praying, praying that every day I say and do the right things to help this kid and this family. I'm glad I'm here.

From Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch

2011-10-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

"Those who do more than is asked of them are never depleted. Only those who fear to give are weakened by giving. The art of giving is entirely a spiritual affair. In this sense, to give one's all is meaningless, for there is no bottom where true giving is concerned."---Henry Miller

The takeoff was fine but the landing needs some work

2011-10-02T04:54:00.000-07:00

Today I went parasailing for the first time. Quite an adventure. Long story short: they harnessed me up, got the sail going behind me, explained the communications system they used (a yellow and red flag) to direct me and that was about it. When they found out I was from America they asked me if I had a gun. I laughed and told them no. It was good-natured inquiry but not what you expect in terms of conversation just before you're about to be hoisted in the air and essentially dragged by a powerboat. If I had been thinking I would have told them I'd rather be there running a parasailing business but hey the grass is always greener.

Anyway, when I was all strapped in one of the three guys on the beach blew a whistle and the boat took off from the water. It was the most lopsided instance of tug of war I've ever experienced. Suddenly I was just being dragged toward the water. They were shouting at me to run (information I could have used before they started dragging me) but before I knew it I was airborne. I'm not sure of my speed but it must have been considerable. I decided that I liked it instantly. I wasn't afraid but I do recall thinking (and actually saying to myself), "God, if this harness breaks I'm fucking dead." Then it was forgotten and I went back to whatever it was I was doing before, probably enjoying the view.

It went by entirely too fast because suddenly I could see the one guy on the beach waving the yellow flag in a downward position. This meant I should be pulling the cable in my left hand down but I guess I pulled down too much because suddenly I could see the panic on his face and he was frantically waving the red and yellow flags "like a psychotic horse running toward a burning building." I realized I was coming in for a landing and FAST. I didn't have time to panic because suddenly I was just DOWN. I landed feet first on the beach but broke my fall as best I could by folding and landing on my back. The three guys on the ground had scattered for the impact and I imagine they thought I was either going to die or break both my legs. Instead I was just suddenly on the ground and laughing my ass off. It occurs to me as I write this that someone should have explained to me how to land but I can't stress or worry about that now because by flowing with it I had a blast. Suddenly we were all laughing our asses off and I realize none of us would forget this any time soon, maybe ever.

We talked for awhile later. One of the guys told me he loves America and wants to come there and open a parasailing business. I told him there's money to be made in the shore communities and that he should. We agreed we're hoping for four more years of Obama, too. If I could offer them any advice it would be prep everyone a little better though!

This experience cost me $20. It was worth a ton more though. If I hadn't been so buzzed from the experience I would have gotten a picture of all of us. Perfection in unattainable. I have some other stuff I'm gonna do this week though and I'll do back to them for it so there will be another chance.

Where does the time go?

2011-10-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in Bali, Indonesia. I don't know where I'm going in my life but I'm amazed at all the places I've been, the things I've seen and done and the people I've met. By not setting down roots, I've been free to drift as I see fit. This life has been such a fucking blur.

This wasn't nearly as disconnected when I thought it out in my head

2011-09-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

OK, somewhere between my last post and tonight (a total of about five days) I seem to have misplaced my camera. I have some killer shots I want to take of my place and the surrounding area. At best I may have left it around this new place and it's staring me in the face. At worst it's lost or stolen at some point during the move. I'll consider that later.

I work a weird schedule. I work 30 minutes in the morning and then I have off about seven hours. I use that time for prep, lesson plans, errands, workouts, etc. From 230pm till around 630pm I could work anywhere from 2-4 hours, then I go home. I do that Monday through Friday and on Saturday I work 5-6 hours but I plan field trips on those days so they're kind of cake too. I guess when I write it out I have nothing to complain about. The point I was trying to make is that I generally spend my day around the area I work in. The time gap isn't big enough do really do anything major. I leave around 6am and I don't get back to my place till after 7pm. Somewhere in all that is a long day.

To make a long story short, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a good thing to have your own place to come back to when all that is done.

I just found an apt. for rent

2011-09-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been a hurricane of events and now that things have settled down I realize I want my own space. The house I've been staying in is very nice. There's a driver and people do your laundry and clean your room for you. The food is free and there's a gym/pool/restaurant in the backyard practically. Still, you figure out quickly that having four additional roommates (two of which are under ten years of age) and two adults on top of that is a pinch on your personal space to say the least. I was clear with the family before I arrived that I would be moving out once I got my bearings sufficiently. I'm one of those people that need their own space. The problem is I had no idea where to start. I don't want roommates and I don't want to spend a ton of money. What to do?

Earlier this week a nice woman I've met out here told me of studio apts for rent in a nearby district. She said they ran for about $300/month. It sounded great but I was picturing basically a closet with mosquitoes, much like the room Martin Sheen started out in Apocalypse Now. Was I ever wrong.

I move in on Sunday.

No matter where you go it's best not to forget where you came from

2011-09-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

There are patterns everywhere if I stop and look

2011-09-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

I seem to be settling into a good pacing schedule with my day. I do a bit of work in the AM, then the majority of the morning I'm off. I might have to do some early afternoon work (pick up the kids) but generally my work day won't start again till 330pm or possibly as late as 5pm. I'm done again at 630pm. I tend to use the downtime for meals, working out and prep. It's not perfect but it's pretty damn good.

Weight flies off me when I travel and I imagine a lot of the time I eat out of boredom or habit, which can only be adverse to your health. True to form, weight is flying off again here in this place. It helps to solidify the opinion that travel is good for me and while home is not a bad place, it should be taken in smaller doses.

Scattered thoughts beginning to settle

2011-09-18T02:20:00.000-07:00

It's easily been a month since my last post and I would bother to apologize but that would presuppose that anyone read this damn thing which I seriously doubt. However, in the time that has passed since I last wrote something here I've relocated to Jakarta, Indonesia. The job I hinted at came to fruition and I've been here now exactly two weeks. It's been a nonstop barrage of job training and more job training. Today feels like the first time that I've been allowed to decompress a little. I've been hopping coffee shops, sending a few emails and doing a little reading. I guess wherever I am....

I'm enjoying Jakarta quite a bit. It's hot, sunny and humid every day. It's a strange mix of Third World and 21 century. Example: I'm sitting in a Starbucks enjoying free wi-fi but not far away there are street vendors handcrafting brooms or cooking food on the sidewalks to make a living. It's not a knock but it seems the economy here is in the toilet. The national currency is the rupiah and the exchange rate to the dollar is 1:0.000114. Incredible. More on that later as I sort it out.

At this moment you can't really feel the American economic problems over here and that's strange because it's all the news seems to talk about back in the US. I'm told that unless things improve over here in the next two years thought that wave will begin to break.

The Indonesian people themselves seem really great. They're warm, polite and quick to smile no matter their conditions. I'm surrounded by them right now in this coffee shop and feel completely at ease. As an aside, I think I'm the tallest person in Indonesia by 4 feet. I've been told that at least. The locals (and even the expats) seem amused by this.

I've met Westerners here also and there's a definite expatriate community here. They all seem OK for the most part also. I'm starting to connect with people and that's a good thing. I'm living in an American compound and there's an "American Club" in the center of it with a gym, pool, restaurant, etc. I hate to admit it but I yearn for a little taste of home. I'm glad for the internet and the chance to connect with friends back in NJ. Truth is though I live a better life here as an American than I do in my own country.

This is my second coffee shop but not second coffee, probably my fourth or more. Large coffees. I think I'm gonna go explore a bit. More later. Thanks for reading.

Today's plan

2011-08-06T10:36:00.000-07:00

I'll be grabbing lunch in a little bit with an old friend then I think it's a day of spectator sports as I attend the local UDT/SEAL biathlon this evening in Atlantic City, NJ. This is fresh off the heels of today's tragic report that more than 20 members of SEAL Team Six were killed in Afghanistan in the last 24 hours. To clarify I'm not a morbid person. I was planning to attend anyway but the tragedy just happens to coincide with the race. I would be participating in this event tonight but I found out about it last minute and putting together a 4-person team on short notice around here wouldn't be possible. I'll mere be attending as a show of support for what it's worth and to witness what I'm sure will be first-rate competition.

Opportunity Knocks

2011-08-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

I received a inquiry from a family overseas regarding a job. If I were to get this it would be a total game changer for me professionally and otherwise. In my experience it seems that networking is a huge part of getting ahead. I never have a problem being friendly with people but kissing up is something I just don't do. I've hoped that over the years the good work I've done would be enough for someone to take notice but it's been a much slower road that I would have originally thought. In many ways I've been very fortunate in this life but career advancement has been sporadic and slow at best.

Financial independence is a major part of adult life. This is a terrible time for the economy too so it's not like there are jobs being handed out everywhere. I've worked in the same place for three years now but I haven't played the political game to get ahead. I wouldn't do it differently but independence comes with a price which is mostly detailed in the first paragraph. I'm at that age where I need to really start putting some money away and for once in my life have enough to do the basic things I want to do besides pay bills and order used books from Amazon. I want to travel, see the world and explore things that interest me. Most of those things costs money. I'm hoping that I might finally have climbed out of the deep hole I dug for myself earlier in life. I've been working and I'm ready for the next thing and I'm hoping this is it.

Natural Movement

2011-08-03T20:09:00.000-07:00

I've reached that age where weight training no longer interests me. I don't want that type of physique anymore, anyway. At this age I'm looking for something leaner. I enjoy the running I do but I want to strengthen my ligaments and joints and this type of workout does just that. It focuses the mind and presents new challenges, which is always a good thing for me because I can get bored with things really quickly. I think it'll be a long, long time before I get bored with this.

I'm always the last one to know

2011-07-17T11:02:00.000-07:00

This little baby is making all the difference in my run times. If you run or are serious about cycling, check into getting yourself a Garmin. I used the majority of a $150 credit from Amazon to purchase one of these bad boys and I've never looked back. I'm sure it's gonna make a huge difference in my 12 mile run today, in fact!

Getting the things out want in life

2011-07-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a summer of work, relationships, family and interesting job offers. Getting the things you want in life is still a juggling act but it beats the alternative. I just have to work on getting up earlier in the morning to work out. It's been a good summer so far.

A little more work, please!

2011-07-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

I'm not interested in the SEAL aspect, but the work ethic fascinates me.

Quick update!

2011-07-14T17:36:00.000-07:00

Doing a ton and not enough at the same time. Always a balancing act! Having to move stuff off the plate to make room for other things. Lots going on but too late to get into it. Gonna get some reading done now. Night all!

Keeping the crossroads small

2011-06-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

I got an email from Amazon.com a little over a week ago telling me about a trade-in promotion. They had a list of books and movies I had purchased from them over time and were willing to offer me a certain dollar amount if I wished to sent it them back. I wouldn't get actual cash for my stuff, but I would get credit toward an Amazon gift card. I decided to take them up on it. I mean really, how much use am I gonna get out of The Cambridge Companion to Milton? Am I really gonna watch Encino Man again?

I scoured over various titles of books and movies I owned. I knew there would be quite a few things I'd willingly get rid of, it would just be a matter of whether or not my picks were on their trade in list. In the end I sent back 48 items for an approximate total of $150 in credit. I printed out the packing lists and the mailing lists, boxed them up and sent them out yesterday via USPS. If all goes according to plan I should have my credit in 7 to 10 days.

The question is: how will I spend it?

With a renewed focus on training I'm thinking of a GPS/timepiece purchase. I see these Garmin pieces out there and I'm wondering if it's really all people say it is. With the exception of actually being able to monitor your pace as you run it just seems really frilly. It could just be me and my ego's attempt to remain spartan. I've posted a few inquiries to runners I know and I think they're gonna lean in the GPS direction but I'm already looking the other way. I think I'd like a nice sports watch and leave it at that. Over the next week or so I'll do some research and see if I can find something within my price range and make a decision from there. One thing's for certain: if I get a watch I can save $$$ and get other things like good used books and/or some new compression shorts. They're a lifesaver on long runs.

Now I have to get clothes out of the dryer.

A true caffeinated musing

2011-06-01T15:12:00.000-07:00

I think it was the Stoic philosopher Seneca who basically said that a divided mind is like a broken bone in that it cannot bear any weight. I was in a different place in my life just a few years ago when I read that but it has always stuck with me. I took it basically to mean that we have to make choices and then stick with them. It does one no good to constantly sway back and forth in their lives. You have to decide carefully what you want in life (although I've nothing against a little spontaneity, and believe me I've been known for more than a little) and then go for it with everything you have. It's probably best if you decide on a few core things and focus on those.

Despite all my reading and occasional writing, my mind has always been the proverbial broken bone. It wanders and rolls like so many tumbleweeds. If there has been an advantage to that it's been that I've exposed myself to a wide variety of experiences. Not all were short-term positives but they did create an interesting foundation in the end. I'm not your average duck.

There are always uncertainties in life but if there are things I'm still unsure of I think it's high time I put them behind me. There are still old things on my plate and if I'm honest with myself I know there is been little or no joy in looking at them and mulling them over constantly. Enough now. In the end they become exposed for what they've always been: distractions that have been keeping me from better things. I have to move forward and to do so I need more output from myself.

My overall training of late has been poor. I'm barely getting in the minimum and it shows. I did a 10K this past weekend and although overall my pace was improved I felt like shit. I took a photo of myself after it was over and I'm embarrassed to post it because I look so bad. I promised myself six months ago I'd look much better than this but I left myself down. That has to stop.

From here on out there will be two core focuses: training and work. Training output is gonna open wide starting with 4am wake-ups for running and biking. Then there's gonna be work, followed by an afternoon workout. I said I would flog myself without mercy to prepare for this marathon and that is just what I'll do. Eat less, work more. Simple but not easy. As for work I won't go into too much detail on that one for personal reasons but that's the other major subject under review.

There hasn't been a post on this blog in over three weeks. Then difference between then and now is that three weeks ago I said there wasn't much going on. Today I realized not much is happening because I haven't done anything. I guess it's all relative.

You can't stop the Love(craft), that is!

2011-05-10T19:02:00.000-07:00

I'm a HUGE fan of horror novels and I've heard many good things from many good people about HP Lovecraft. I scanned a few of his books on Amazon but chose to pass on them. I thought of going the used bookstore route or maybe even the local library. I found a copy of his collected works at a small bookstore in Philly but thought it was overpriced. I researched that edition online and found out it was indeed overpriced and it was also an editing nightmare.

I tried the local library and found out that the only copy of his work that they had had been stolen from the shelf. Bleh.

I did some more research online and found this edition:

Library of America is always a respected edition. It was almost half the price of the edition I saw in Philadelphia. I bought it used from Amazon. It arrived yesterday. I'm starting it as soon as this post is over. Can't wait!

Some stuff I was reading today

2011-05-10T15:38:00.000-07:00

"An average man thinks that indulging in doubts and tribulations is the sign of sensitivity, spirituality. The truth of the matter is that the average man is the farthest thing imaginable from being sensitive. His puny reason deliberately makes itself into a monster or a saint, but it is truthfully too little for such a big monster or saint mold."

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same."

Part of my weekend

2011-05-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ran in the 32nd annual Broad St. 10 mile race. It was tough but I got a new PR, 32 seconds faster than my last 10 mile race a month ago. This is a shot of the starting line from our corral before we got it going. I was one of 30,000 runners yesterday and it was a great honor. I'm not registered for any other races right now but I think a half marathon (13.1 miles) is next in order. My long term goal (which I've stated before) is to run a full marathon by year's end.

This is my friend Missy who got me started with all this. She connected (and ran with) me in my first race 7 months ago. It was a 5K. Now I've done my third 10 mile race. I owe her a great deal. Thank buddy.

Bin Laden was killed yesterday. Awesome!

2011-05-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

Resting and going all caveman: a few thoughts

2011-04-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

I've decided to take a week off from training. My body feels dinged up and to prevent real injury I thought some time away from things would be the right thing to do. So far so good. I do my best not to insert a lot of alpha male bullshit into my posts, and instead try to work from a perspective of humor. I want to be healthy on the inside as well as physically fit. So when I think of taking a rest, I think of this:

Skipping a workout or two aside, just catching up on some sleep has done wonders for me. My body feels recharged and refreshed. The rest seems to be doing me a world of good and the five days off so far have treated me well. I'm back at it on Monday but I still have today and tomorrow to rest up.

Another thing of late that I've started working on is my diet. It goes something like this and I find it really simple to follow:

Dropped a few pounds really quickly and without much effort by simply cutting a few things out that I really haven't missed all that much. Gonna go with it.

That's all for now. Wishing everyone a Happy Easter and a great weekend. Be back soon and stay safe everyone!

What I've got to look forward to.

2011-04-15T17:17:00.000-07:00

Sunday's run. After Sunday I'm increasing my run distances by at least 10 miles weekly. I'm currently logging about 20 per week but that will more than double soon. 27 weeks till my first marathon. It looks like I'll be flogging myself all summer to get ready for it. I'm hoping to literally work through the angst in my life and hopefully not miss out on any fun that may occur along the way. Fuck it.

Taking this up a notch or two

2011-04-14T15:34:00.000-07:00

Training goes into overdrive starting tomorrow. Running, serious weight training and folding martial arts into the equation. After 1 May my weekly running totals will increase from 50% to 100%. Looks like I'm gonna be flogging myself all summer to prep for my first marathon and November's Tough Mudder. Life is good because I can.

Rock steady

2011-04-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

Not much to report of late. Went to work, ran some miles, blah blah blah. I did finish an excellent book and I'd recommend it to anyone:

I can never get enough of books like this. They just flow beautifully and there is a saintly quality to the humanity and failings of the characters in them. I'll try to recommend more like this one as I come upon them.

Oh, I also ordered perhaps the greatest DVD box set in history and it was literally waiting at my door today.

Some may turn up their noses at this one. To them I'd say you don't have to be a fan of martial arts or action to enjoy these because they're aren't really grounded in that. These are serious films with fantastic storylines and they succeed on that premise alone. The martial arts are just icing on the cake.

Well, I guess that's been my week. When I started this post I didn't see more than a few lines being written. I guess my week was better than I thought!

Ladies love free beer!

2011-04-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

Didn't run in any events this weekend but I still wanted to be involved so I volunteered at the local JCC's April Fool's Run yesterday. There were 7K and 11K runs but I just helped with a little setup and worked the Beer Garden for the happy runners after they crossed the finish line. Participating is a good thing!

Gratitude

2011-04-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

I talked to a friend today. He told me his sister was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Another friend told me this week that his father had a stroke. Yesterday another friend was hospitalized after a series of seizures and possibly has a brain lesion. Just now a friend told me that he lost his job the day before. Last month the brother of my ex lost his leg in Afghanistan. Today when I put all this together I thought of this picture that I had downloaded some time ago. I am very lucky.

Mike V. always gives back

2011-03-31T09:45:00.000-07:00

Took a personal day from work today. Goofing a little online. Came across this so I thought to post it. It's a good lesson.

One foot in front of the other

2011-03-30T16:33:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday I complete my 2nd ten mile race at the Ocean Drive Marathon. I was four minutes faster than the first 10 miler two weeks ago. I'll be competing in the famous Broad St. Run on 1 May, which is another ten miler. To date I haven't connected with any guy friends who are interested in running any serious distance, but with motivated ladies like this to keep me company I'm not in the least unhappy.

I don't recall if I posted this already but this all started with me volunteering in October of 2010 at the Atlantic City Marathon. I'm thinking of rounding out the year by running in the AC Marathon in 2011, and by that I mean running the entire thing. When I finish Broad Street I'll calculate the training (I'll have 24 weeks) and see if it's doable. I think it will be though. From volunteer to full marathoner; that would be awesome.

Just a raw thought

2011-03-30T16:21:00.000-07:00

When shit's crashing down on you it can be tough to keep it together. I took a knock at work last week and it just got resolved (not in my favor) today. I labor in a pit of mediocrity (on many levels) with the nosiest, most useless people in four states. They're always prying. I try to see the best in people but when all they do is gossip about each other it can be tough. Fuck it. Just keep rolling. I wish I had a happier or more enlightened way to say it but this is what's coming out of me at the moment so I'm going with it. My job is at times no great shakes but my life is fantastic. I am very lucky.

Love is Hell, Pt. 2

2011-03-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

How long's it gonna be, babe
Before I get over you, doll?
I bet it's gonna be awhile now, kid
What with you living right up the hall
And I'm tired of living here in this hotel
Snow and the rain falling through the sheets
In fact, I'm tired of 23rd Street
Strung out like some Christmas lights
Out there in the Chelsea night

Maybe you just didn't read me right
The lights went out,
And you just didn't understand
I played your song, I got the melody all wrong
Wound your shit up like some rubber bands
And I'm tired of living in this hotel
Fire and rain blowing through the streets
In fact, I'm tired of 23rd Street
Strung out like some Christmas lights
Out there in the Chelsea night
Strung out like some Christmas lights
Out there in the Chelsea night

I feel like getting rid of all my things
Maybe just disappear into the fall
The traffic roars, my stomach screams
Like a gang of angry dogs
And I'm tired of living here in this hotel
TV and dirty magazines
And I'm just trying to get a little sleep
Strung out like some Christmas lights
Out there in the Chelsea night
Strung out like some Christmas lights
Out there in the Chelsea night
Strung out like some Christmas lights
Out there in the Chelsea night
Strung out like some Christmas lights
Out there in the Chelsea night

There's humor and there's Love, but past a certain line there's a sharp lawnmower blade. Just sayin'.

2011-03-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: the reference to lawnmower blades does imply this is some sort of veiled threat. It's only a visual example. Put the pen down and step away from the panic button. This is not a manifesto!

Life has its share of snags and mine is no different. I don't think I'm going to make this blog about a million in-depth things because despite the fact that I'm available through several online social networks, I'm still a person that believes in privacy and I control the content that is placed in my name. However, I find it offensive that some people don't respect that privacy and somehow feel a sense of entitlement concerning the details of my life. I hate gossip. There's rarely anything I'd say anywhere that I wouldn't say someplace else, if that makes any sense. That doesn't mean that there's an open format to the inner workings of my life and mind. There is a line. I think I may have to get a few people straight about that.

Today is the 1st day of Spring

2011-03-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

I signed up for another ten mile race. It takes place one week from today. I completed a 10 training run this afternoon and shaved nine minutes off last week's finish time. That's a total of 19 minutes less than my first attempt at this distance three weeks ago. I guess that's progress but a lot of it has to do with the arrival of spring and the decrease in winter wind along the boardwalk. Whatever the reason is, I'll take it. Hope I can keep or even exceed today's time for the race next week. We'll see.

Not much to report this week. Work and more work. Running. A bit less reading than usual thanks to Netflix carrying the ENTIRE X-FILES SERIES ON THEIR STREAMING OPTION. A friend warned me that NF was dangerous but I had no idea. Hahaha I think I need a woman! While I attempt to put something together on that front I guess I'll just continue to stream and I'm gonna start reading The Orchard Keeper.

I have a ton of laundry to do now, though. Dishes too. Back at it. Have a great week everyone!

I'm a little tired but I'm enjoying myself

2011-03-12T14:42:00.000-08:00

In late mid-October I volunteered for the AC Marathon. I worked the 8 mile mark, directing runners for the half and full marathon (there was a 5K and 10K race also) back onto the boardwalk. I got such a buzz from the energy that I asked a friend who ran that AM to let me know if there were going to be events coming up that I could participate in. Two weeks later I ran my first 5K race. I think that was 30 October. By Thanksgiving I had done two more 5Ks.

Today I completed my first 10 mile race.

Running is both a solitary and group effort. People run in pairs and groups or all by themselves. No matter who is or isn't with you, though, you're putting the distance in yourself. I usually have a friend who goes with me to these things. She runs in them herself. She was there today. She passed me early. There were other people I know from work who were running today. They passed me early as well. They're all established triathletes. Basically I ran those 10 miles by myself. What made it all worthwhile, however, was having them all waiting and cheering for me at the finish line. It made all the difference in the world. They could have gone home or gone to the lunch sponsored by the race down the road and met me later. They chose to stay. They officially crossed the line into friendship today. I'll never forget them for that.

I've progressed from 5K races to 10 mile races in about 18 weeks. I wonder where'll I'll be by the end of the summer?

I don't have a name for this post.

2011-03-07T18:54:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to live what could be considered a better life I'm attempting to be less cynical. I'm trying to participate more in things going on around me. I'm dating more. It's not an episode of Californication but it's an improvement. When I do something I do it selflessly, without thought of reward or praise. It parallels a previous concept I keep coming back to: benevolent heart.

I'm trying to see good in others, perhaps in everyone I encounter. I start by recognizing that everyone has a soul, and that the rest is simply the shell around it. It's a gross oversimplification but hey! it's a blog. In short, we're all linked to the Eternal. To make that leap is to provide yourself with a solid foundation.

It's easier said than done. I work in a place full of gossip and useless conversation. Reality TV, ESPN, backbiting, etc., are the norm. My first instinct is to withdraw from that blather. I don't think I'll be joining in any time soon either, but what I can do is work on MY progress and provide a better example to others. For now that may be all I can muster. My own aggravation might be deflected by improving my behavior and thinking. I hope so.

This is a largely intangible elevation. A better karma, if you will allow, or call it cause and effect if you require something a bit more concrete. I'll be touching base on this topic from time to time but it's taken a couple of weeks to put the ideas correctly into my head, and then place them here. Now that that's done I guess that's all for now. It should only take a lifetime to get right.

I've begun a new path

2011-02-22T18:48:00.000-08:00

"If we are always arriving and departing, it is also true that we are eternally anchored. One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things."---Henry Miller

Rory

2011-02-22T18:25:00.000-08:00

A week ago while prepping for a long Sunday afternoon run I got the news that the brother of a girl I used to date lost his leg that day in Afghanistan. I was stunned. I've had a few conversations with said ex since then and at this moment I've believe she's on her way back from Bethesda Naval Hospital with her family. He's back in the US now and seems to be adjusting about as well as can be expected. I'm sure his wife and family are just happy that he's home and alive. So am I and I'll leave it at that.

A week in the life

2011-02-11T20:22:00.000-08:00

Not much to talk about this week. While it was happening the days (and certain moments) seemed to really drag out. Just the same it's Friday night already and I haven't added anything here since Monday. The work week had its ups and downs and drew to a close as it always does. I added some decent apps for my BlackBerry, ordered some cool stuff on Amazon. I put in some miles on the boardwalk as always and I'll be doing more isometrics in the weeks to come. Of course there's always martial arts training.

I'm going to chaperon a kids dance this weekend and also try to make it to a party Saturday night if there's enough time after work. Not sure about anything else. A friend got me free tickets to a blues show Monday night at the local college, not realizing it was Valentine's Day. That's a weird one. I'm not seeing anyone right now and I've got two tickets for a show on the night of Valentine's Day. I'll see if I can throw something together between now and then.

That's all for now. Off to bed.

Just another Misanthropic Monday

2011-02-07T17:09:00.000-08:00

Tried to show a documentary on Jim Crow to students today. With the kids I work with anything that isn't a movie and less than five years old is considered boring. They immediately lost interest. I thought it had a real treasure trove of information and was a great resource for assignments. The teacher in charge sided with the kids and said this is what they act like with documentaries. It was textbook apathy on both their parts. I doubt we'll show any part of it again. I can't tell you how disgusted and disheartened I was over it. I do not like to lower my standards, esp. to cow-toe to teenagers who are intellectually disinterested through years of conditioning. I don't give a shit if they don't see the value of education overall. The standard/bar is here, and like everyone else in the world this is where they have to reach to grab it. If not, they fail. The choice is theirs. With effort I'll give them a finish line they can cross. Otherwise, tough shit. However, the decision wasn't mine. I felt like an enabler.

During my cafeteria duty a student who apparently has some sort of OCD issue pushed opened the door I was holding shut. I've worked in the mental illness/special education field for almost 20 years and I've encountered a lot of people with genuine issues. I work with one kid this year who has genuine OCD and major depressive disorder. There's another crowd though that falls into the control freak category. They're the "I just need to have my way about things and sorry but doing dumb and/or rude shit to people is acceptable" crowd. I think this young lady falls into that category. Due to time constraints and the fact that the door opening caused the entire cafeteria to start an early mass exodus I didn't address her in detail but I guess that'll keep till tomorrow.

During the last period of the day a teacher came into class while students were working, sat his ass down at the table they were working at and proceeded to have a 20 minute conversation about absolutely nothing with the other teacher. Incredible. I had to get up from where I was to keep the kids on task while they just sat around and blathered on and on and on.

When I started this job I was really excited. I thought I was going to be working with people that were plugged in, with EDUCATORS. I couldn't have been more wrong. With few exceptions there isn't a more boring, disconnected bunch in four states. If they aren't gossiping about each other, they're talking about reality TV or ESPN. There are a few I genuinely like but for the most part I'm perfectly fine with not being close to most of them. I'm ready to be moving on.

6+2=8

2011-02-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

I went for an 8 mile run today. I made a calculating error in the distances though and after I remeasured what I had just finished I realized I had only run six miles. I went back out there and slogged through another two miles. Those last two were rougher than the previous six, no doubt. I got it done, though. I came home exhausted and although I was starved I found that I only ate about half of what I had prepared for myself before I was full. Made coffee after, now in front of the computer typing this.

I can't tell you how many nights (and days for that matter) I sat or lay around making plans. Some bore fruit, some did not and I guess that's what anyone would call life. It would be a huge waste to make a list but suffice it to say all the pluses and minuses have made me who I am and placed me where I am. I'm happy about that. There's always work to be done and I'm no exception but I don't know that I'd undo many of my experiences because they've all led me here. Days like today further cement that belief.

Me keeping my promise to be more open to having my picture taken. Perhaps not a good idea!

2011-02-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

This is what happens when your students grab your BlackBerry and want to take your picture after you resolve to being more open to just that. At least now people understand why I was hesitant to begin with.

Monday

2011-01-31T18:17:00.000-08:00

I got up and went to work today. Nothing exciting there I assure you. From there I ran a few errands, came home, made dinner and watched the news. As much as possible I like to keep up with what's going on in the world, esp. these days with what's going on in Egypt.

After that I checked two days worth of email and even replied to a few. I created a profile on a major employer's website in the hope that somewhere down the road there will be a match with my name on it. I checked my hits on various job search engines and even knocked out many (ok, 5) loads of laundry. I just summarized 13 hours in six sentences. It's not a commentary on a lack of anything, in fact just the opposite. I hope I've done enough, enough so that I can transplant myself to a better place later this year. Networking is one thing and I can write quite a lengthy post on that another time. In order to succeed in something though you need to put in a lot of work. I hope I'm doing enough work, not just tonight but all the time. I want this year to be the time when I start to find out just how far I can go. I want that and I plan to make it happen one day at a time.

I was talking to a friend who's participating in an April event with me. We're both a little concerned since we don't know all the specs of the course we're running that day. I think I need to complete a sizable event, perhaps a 10 miler, before April. It'll be a good mental barrier to get past before the big one. Just three months ago I was doing my first 5K now I'm mulling a 10 miler in six weeks or so. I wonder how far out of my comfort zone I'm willing to go?

Whenever I need a blast of energy I watch this.

2011-01-31T17:40:00.000-08:00

Busy Busy Busy

2011-01-29T18:29:00.000-08:00

I think sometimes that if I really kept at it I could stay busy with some form of labor from the time I woke till the time I turned in. I'm currently in the process of training for several running and endurance events later in the year. That means I'm running almost every day and working out with weights too. I've also started a new diet that cuts about 1200 calories out of my normal intake every day. I'm dropping weight well and adjusting to the workouts and it feels good but it's a major focus of my day. I'm recording every bite of food, every rep and every step. I'm focused and things are going well. Barring anything unforeseen I should be on target for good performances in April and May.

I'm also in the beginning process of another career change. In many ways you could make a solid argument that I've never actually had a career but there HAS been a single thread that's run through my life since 1993. I won't get into too much of it here but I think it's about time to move on from that. I'm researching what might be a giant leap later this year. I'm definitely ready for something new and hungry for it too. The old door is closing and the place I'm currently at (figuratively speaking) is growing stagnant. I get through every day with the help of the prep working I'm doing physically and with the belief that come 6-8 months from now I just won't be working in the same place.

I don't have an overabundant social life at this time but there's plenty to keep me busy and I'm not opposed to something agreeable coming my way. I just plan to go with the flow of things in good faith.

Blah Blah Blah

2011-01-27T17:11:00.000-08:00

I'll be making adjustments to this site from time to time, as time allows. It occurs to me that I've never been comfortable with having my picture taken. As a result there just aren't a lot of photos of me to post. In the "privacy is no longer a social norm" society that we live in I admit that that can be a bit of a problem. I think I'm gonna work on getting more comfortable getting my picture taken this year.

Here I am again!

2011-01-27T16:56:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my world of words. I doubt any of this will have any meaningful impact on your life but it seems important these days to keep a log of what I've been doing of late. So much has changed since this blog was last up and running. A lot of doors have closed and a lot have opened. I don't see the world the way I once did. It may surprise some to know that I'm much more open to what life has to offer. In fact I'm hungry for it. I have a feeling 2011 is gonna be a very busy but fantastic year. This is only the beginning.